I have created trailers for each of my four books currently on the market and knew I would create one for this book as well. I had found the music I wanted to use and had glimpses of the images I wanted to share, images that would take the reader along on the journey, but not reveal too much. I realized that I needed to condense 18 months of my LIFE into a 3-minute video. How on earth was I supposed to do that?
I had a dear friend who is a very talented photographer and I approached her to ask for guidance. I told her what I wanted to accomplish so that the reader could understand the emotion behind the words. We met at the end of November to see about scheduling the shoot. It was a crazy time for me as I was releasing my fourth book, It's Simply SAILING. For one reason or another it did not pan out. My intuition kept nudging me down a different path. Although my friend is a gifted photographer and new author as well, it just wasn't the right fit. Now I understand why.
During the year of working on the sailing book I met yet another very talented photographer who became a friend. Last month as I revisted the idea for the memoir trailer, I sent him an email and asked if he had ever photographed people. He sent me a link and all I could say was WOW!! I was really impressed. I told him what I had in mind for the stills and played him the song I am hoping to use. He took it from there and yesterday was THE DAY.
I'll admit, I was really excited and REALLY terrified at the same time. As an athlete I spent most of my young life in front of a camera and it became second nature. As a more mature adult, I actually enjoy life behind the scenes, and being behind the camera just feels more natural. Here I was about to step back in front of the camera and not only pose, but literally bare my soul for the world to see. My story is one of unimagineable loss and figuratively peeling away the layers of my old life. I was no longer the same person I was in 2010 and I wasn't sure if I was ready to be the NEW Cali.
I was pretty nervous at first when we began the session because I knew in my mind what I wanted to accomplish, but the expression on my face and body language wasn't matching that outcome. Luckily, I was guided by someone who has become a dear friend and I slowly began to let go and just be ME. As the session progressed I was able to revisit some of the anquish and agony I felt during that year of loss, and my expressions matched what was going on in my heart. When I saw the end result, I was blown away. I saw a part of myself I didn't recognize, but a beautiful part of myself that I had for some reason kept hidden. I often say this transformation feels like a caterpillar emerging into the butterfly. That is what it felt like, this peeling of my skin, all the way down to the depths of my soul, this light that had been buried so deep, was all of the sudden emerging.
I spent the evening going through all the photographs and came up with about 25 that I just absolutely love. I'm not sure if I'll use them all, or in what capacity. I know some will become part of a blog leading up to the book's release and most will be used for the trailer, but there are still some months to debate. I also have two more location shoots planned for late spring, so we'll see what happens there.
I couldn't really sleep last night, still dealing with an aching back (sciatica) and continuous transformation, a process of letting go that I haven't been dealing with very well let's just say. I know it's necessary, but not easy. As the rain fell outside my window this morning, I sat in bed and just cried as I thought of one relationship in particular that I feel is ending. I feel I cried not because it was ending, but because I'm now in a place where it's ok. I'm growing, I'm changing, I'm evolving. I feel it. It's painful yet liberating at the same time.
I realize that we connect with others for various reasons, perhaps just a brief moment to learn a specific lesson. This particular person has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, so it's particularly hard to let go. In a way though, I feel we will somehow always be connected, and that's a comforting thought. Where will this journey take me? Who will come into my life next, and for what reason? Only time will tell. I smile as I gaze out my window, because the sun is now shining. Today is a new day.