I received a call from a colleague about taking on some consulting work because I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay my rent. Despite having the contacts in my network to help my colleague, I soon realized the job description was more based around finding sponsors rather than event work, and soon realized this was not my forte. I did the best I could but it was obvious I was out of my element and the relationship with my colleague became strained. Because I was acting from a place of lack I was attracting negative influences that kept me from my true purpose.
As I became more aware of my actions and how it was affecting my decisions, I began to look at my relationship with Zach as well. I enjoyed being with someone but soon realized I didn’t like myself very much when I was with him. I felt as though I somehow lost myself in him and I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I longed for my love that was living overseas and felt I had sacrificed my virtue for a warm body. It was wrong and I was beginning to realize what I was doing. I knew I needed to find a way to return to my true self, yet I longed for a human connection. The constant battle between head and heart continued.
In seeking some sort of direction I came upon a program called Wealth Beyond Reason by Bob Doyle who appeared in the movie, The Secret. I realized I needed to change my current path. I was living from a state of lack and I needed to change not only my financial situation, but my mindset when it came to money. I come from a middle-class family but ever since I was very young I was surrounded by people of substantial wealth. What I realize now was that my interpretation of wealth is if you have money, you are miserable. This is what I viewed from a very young age and it’s how I built my personal relationship with money. I figured all I needed was enough to be comfortable and I would be happy. Well, with that mindset, that is precisely what I created. I was just getting by month to month and I wasn’t happy, I was stressed.