The month began on an interesting note. My friend Matthew ran a Wellness Center in Marin. We had lost touch a couple years back because he was going through a major transformation in his own life. He was getting married and preparing to welcome his first child into the world. He was working long hours and moving into a new home, and it was all a bit overwhelming. One of my New Years Resolutions was to begin taking better care of my overall health. I decided to take up yoga and learned Matthew was teaching nearby. I really didn’t know what to expect after not seeing him for so long, but missed our friendship. I figured I’d check out a class the following week.
My body was acting up again and I woke on several occasions with what could be classified as morning sickness. I just continued to go about each day thinking it was simply stress. On January 8th I decided to check out the yoga class. I was so nervous and excited at the same time. When I entered the studio, I found Matthew sitting alone at the far end of the room. I wished him a Happy New Year and he gave me a hug. I knew we would be ok.
It was a great session, just the two of us. We caught up on each other’s lives and I told him how I might be pregnant, that I just needed to take the test, which of course I had been putting off. He wished me well and knew how I felt now having a child of his own. The more I thought about the possibility of having a child, the more I became comfortable with the idea. It certainly wasn’t how I envisioned. I had actually joked with one of my friends from school how I wanted to be pregnant by Graduation believing that my love and I would have reunited by then. Now here I was, possibly correct on that prediction, but pregnant with another man’s child. The emotions running through me were completely scattered.
I finally got around to taking the test and it was confirmed, I was eight weeks pregnant. A million thoughts ran through my mind. I was so ready to become a mother and willing to raise this child on my own if need be. I knew that Zach didn’t feel the same way. He was carefree and enjoyed living a life of detachment. Even though he was in a relationship, it was an open relationship from what he told me and that’s how he liked it. I could do this. I could go through this on my own and perhaps that is why Matthew had come back into my life. He was a new father and a dear friend. He would see me through it. All that concerned me now was doing what was best for me and my child.