As I began to prepare for the trip overseas, I became more and more excited. I needed to do this. All the signs pointed to me being there at this time. Everything was coming into alignment. Soon I would be with the one I truly loved. Now I just needed to find a way to make some money so that I could make this trip a reality. I had to find a job.
The answer to my prayer came from a friend in the insurance business. She needed an assistant and was willing to pay precisely what I needed to pay my rent. It was perfect, or so I thought. It didn’t take long after being confined to an office for eight hours to realize this was not for me. I needed my freedom. I needed to create and sitting at a computer monitor or answering insurance questions on the phone was certainly not my cup of tea. Again I was acting from a place of fear and lack and drawing to me jobs and people that didn’t serve my higher purpose. When was I going to learn?
The stress of the work I was attracting and the relationships I was finding myself in was beginning to take its toll on my health. I began having back issues and despite my yoga practice, it seemed to get worse. I was also struggling with the decision not to see Zach anymore. I missed my friend. I missed our times together and I didn’t know if I could do a complete separation.
Feeling alone and stressed out, I contacted Zach and asked if he could stop by. He did and we had a chance to chat. I asked him if we could perhaps start over, that I missed his friendship and I wanted to give things another try. His answer was maybe. After he left I began to question if that was a good idea and if I should have just stuck to my guns and stayed away from him. I was so confused. He was planning to move to San Francisco the following month so it wouldn’t be as easy to get together had it been with him living nearby. I should have just left things alone.